


if you ever left me, that would be my first heartbreak

by scarsandstories



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: !!!!, :), Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, M/M, Sad Mickey, even though im a bad writer, i dont know, is this even angst??, it has more debbie than ian tbh, lots of debbie/mickey, no offense but, post 5x12, this will be better than season six
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 10:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5581456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarsandstories/pseuds/scarsandstories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 5x12 with a happy ending, that is all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you ever left me, that would be my first heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry the plot was so vague, i'm really terrible at summaries.
> 
> this was inspired by tori kelly's 'first heartbreak.' it was such a mickey song after 5x12. i try my best to act like that episode doesn't exist but i always end up writing a post 5x12 fic whenever i listen to any sad song.
> 
> this fic is for gwen who hasn't started season 4 and has no idea what's coming up. love you :)

Mickey Milkovich is not a softie. He doesn’t listen to love songs, doesn’t read sappy poetry, he doesn’t cry whenever Mandy watches Nicholas Sparks films. He doesn’t cry whenever he gets shot even though it hurts like a bitch. But he cried when Ian Gallagher came into their house and told him he was leaving and joining the army. Mickey wasn’t big on words either. He wanted Ian to stay but the only thing that came out of his mouth was “don’t.” Mickey had to watch Ian walk away. He cried and Mandy saw. He knew it was his fault, that Ian left. Mandy called him a fucking pussy, which he is.  
Ian’s probably the worst and best thing that has happened in his life. After Mickey came out and Terry was back in the can, he thought everything would start being normal, but Ian’s diagnosis happened. He took care of him, never left his side. Asked him to take his pills even though he once ended up flushing them all in the toilet. Then Ian broke up with him, telling him I’m not broken, I’m me. The Gallaghers visit him, to check on how he’s holding up. Lip is no longer an asshole to him, which he never expected. He reassures him that this isn’t going to last long. “How many days could my brother last without you?” Lip had asked. Fiona doesn’t visit him much because she’s busy with her work but she does as much as she could. Debbie visits him a lot. She used to only check on him twice a week then she started visiting him after school; it becomes a routine.  
Debbie never talked about Ian. They only talk about Debbie’s least favorite subjects in school, her bitchy ex friends and stupid boys. But when Mickey is really drunk, he pours his heart out. Once he starts talking about Ian, he doesn’t shut up. Debbie just listens.  
“How much do you love Ian?” Debbie asks. Since Mickey is talking about Ian, might as well ask the question she always wanted to ask him.  
“A lot,” Mickey says.  
“On a scale of one to robbing a bank for him?”  
“I’d take a bullet for him.”  
“Wow,” Debbie says, completely stunned.  
“Yeah.”  
“I wish one day, someone would love me the way that you love Ian,” Debbie says. “You’re a great person, Mickey.”  
Mickey smiles. It’s been a long time since he last smiled. “Thanks, Debs.”  
  
\--  
Debbie visits again and vent about how much she hates her classmate and how much he hates boys. “No offense, Mickey,” she said. “They all suck but you’re an exception.” They don’t talk about Ian at all, they don’t talk about how Mickey feels either. Debbie tells him stories about Liam and that he misses Carl too even though he was always a pain in the ass. He waits for Debbie to slip. Even though he still can’t bring Ian up, he wants to know how he’s doing, but she doesn’t slip.  
  
••  
Two weeks later (he still gets visits from Debbie), Mickey wakes up and hears something loud, like something shattered. He sees Fiona sweeping in the living room. She sweeps the broken beer bottle and has cleaned Mickey’s mess. He opens the refrigerator and it’s empty except for the orange juice.  
“Fiona, WHAT THE FUCK?”  
“You’re not going to die because of intoxication, Mickey.”  
“It’s NONE of your business!”  
“Really?” She sounds genuinely hurt.  
“WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE?”  
“Because you’re Ian’s family so you’re part of our fucking family!”  
That shuts him up. “I’m sorry.”  
“You can’t drink him away, Mickey,” Fiona tells him and he remembers that was what Debbie told him before. “You can’t pull a Frank. You’re not him. Not your fucked-up father either.”  
“I know. I won’t.”  
Since Fiona had thrown all the beer in the house, he has no choice but to get the orange juice. It’s the only thing left in the fridge since all he ever did was to get drunk. He only ate when Debbie brought him their left over  
Mickey and Fiona sit in the living room.  
“Wanna talk about it?”  
“Talk about what, your brother breaking up with me?”  
Fiona sighs. “Not that. I don’t know, Ian, maybe. Or Debbie? I don’t want you to relieve the moment where Ian made the stupidest decision of his life.”  
“Stupider than joining the army to get away from me?”  
“Yeah, stupider than that.” Pause. “You know, I was surprised when I found out my brother was screwing you. So many people in Chicago to fuck and it was Mickey Milkovich. At first, I thought, ‘this isn’t going to end well.’”  
Mickey interrupts and says, “did it?”  
“There’s no ending yet,” she says. “When I found out that you came out, I was... astonished.”  
“Just because you got your GED doesn’t mean you can use your fuckin’ big words on me.”  
Fiona grins. “Shut the fuck up. It was the perfect time to use it, wasn’t it? Besides, it wasn’t that big of a word.”  
“Yeah, yeah,” Mickey says. “Enough with the big words. Lip already got in my hair.”  
“Okay. So, anyway, you coming out? I didn’t expect that.”  
“No one did,” Mickey says. “I did it for Ian.”  
“Shit, really?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Are you going to tell me why you had to do it?”  
Mickey remembers the exact thing he told Ian after he said “because you’re not free.” Ian, what you and I have makes me free. Not what these assholes know. He laughs. “You’re a nosy bitch.”  
Fiona smiles. “I’ll take that as a no. But seriously, Mickey, you did well after the diagnosis. We all know you tried. I hope you know that.”  
Mickey smiles back. “Thanks, Fiona. Means a lot.”  
“You’re welcome.” Fiona stands up. “Get your ass up, we’re eating. I know where Debbie is bringing our leftovers. You’re probably starving.”  
“Why the fuck are you even here?” Mickey asks but complies eventually.  
“I took a day off to visit you, ungrateful asshole. Come on.”  
“You’re such a great friend, Fiona,” Mickey says. “If I didn’t like your brother’s dick up my ass, I would date you.”  
Fiona rolls her eyes. “I didn’t need to hear about my brother’s dick up your ass. Stop talking.”  
“You still screwing Sean?”  
“I never did.”  
“That’s too bad.”  
“Do you ever shut up?”  
“Who says I do?”  
“I figured,” Fiona says. “But I’m glad to get you sober. And you being an asshole like you are again.”  
Mickey squeezes her shoulder lightly. “Me too,” he says sincerely.  
  
\--  
Debbie visits Mickey and there’s a big smile on her face when she sees him. “You’re not drinking.”  
Mickey smiles back at Debbie and opens his arms for her. They hug. “Well, your sister stuck her nose somewhere it doesn’t belong and drained all of my beer.”  
“Really?” Debbie grimaces. “Were you mad?”  
“‘Course I was. But she only did it because she cares and doesn’t want me to die of intoxication.”  
“Or pull a Frank?” she asks gently.  
“That’s what she said. You Gallaghers think alike, huh?”  
“Yeah.” Mickey lets Debbie out of his embrace. “If you were mad, then you sure as hell said something. How did she shut you up?”  
“Well, she might have mentioned Ian.”  
“You really love Ian, huh?”  
“Yeah, I do.”  
“Mmm,” Debbie says, tapping her chin. “How much do you love him, on a scale of one to robbing a bank for him?”  
Mickey remembers this question. He was drunk, talking about Ian like the usual and Debbie was listening then she asked this. “You really want me to answer this question sober?”  
Debbie tries to hide her smug grin.  
“I’d take a bullet for him.”  
“Well, Mr. Milkovich, congratulations, you passed the test. Your answers were consistent.”  
“Thank you,” Mickey says with a smile.  
“You’re welcome. You really love my brother, huh?”  
“If you don’t shut up, I’mma have to kick your ass.”  
“You still love him?”  
“Of course I do. That doesn’t just go away.”  
  
••  
two weeks later  
Wednesday morning. Fourteen days since sober Mickey Milkovich started. Last night, he went to Alibi and tried to ask for a beer but he gave him orange juice instead. Fucking orange juice. “Fiona’s orders. Sorry, Mickey,” Kev had said. Vee talked to him about babies and how much they absorb her patience but she still loves them a lot. She told him about Svetlana staying with them and helping with the twins. Mickey hasn’t done anything since the break up. He’s stuck, thinking about “orange boy” while drinking orange juice. Sad.  
Mickey is cooking pancakes and he hears the door open. It’s a Wednesday morning and Debbie isn’t even doing with school.  
“DEBBIE, WHAT THE FUCK? DID YOU SKIP SCHOOL?” Mickey shouts. He doesn’t get an answer. He turns off the stove.  
A moment later, he gets a response. “It’s not Debbie,” the voice says and, fuck. It’s Ian.  
And Ian’s there. In the living room. So close yet so far away.  
“Hey,” Mickey says and his voice almost cracks. Fuck.  
“Hey,” he says back.  
“Why are you here?” Mickey asks softly. “Did Debbie ask you to?”  
“Debbie?” Ian questions, confused. “Debbie’s been visiting you?”  
“Yeah. You didn’t know?”  
“I had no idea.”  
“Since when?”  
“Since...” Mickey couldn’t say it out loud. Especially in front of him.  
“Okay. Um, I wanna say something.” Mickey nods. “I made a mistake. I broke up with you because I thought it’d be for the best since I don’t cause you any good which, I still don’t,” Ian laughs humorlessly. “I decided for you because I thought it would be for the best and I realized, I’m not supposed to be deciding for you. You do that on your own. And... I was scared. I was scared I would be Monica.”  
“You’re not Monica,” Mickey says softly but firmly. “And yeah, deciding for me was pretty fuckin’ dumb.”  
“I know. I’m sorry.”  
“It’s all good. Now you’re going to listen to me. When you left to join the army, to get away from me, I cried. And I jerked off to a picture of you and ended up punching the mirror.”  
“Mick...”  
“I’m not done, Gallagher. I had to fuck a girl with orange hair and I asked her to switch positions.” Mickey takes a deep breath. “When–when you asked me ‘you gonna marry me?’ I was going to say yes, Ian. But you didn’t let me answer. Thick and thin, good times, bad, sickness, health, and all that shit. I was serious, I’m still serious, Ian. I couldn’t imagine a future without you. Hell, I didn’t give a shit about the future and then you happened. I love you, and it means we’re going to be stuck by each other’s side. Even if you ask me to leave, I’m not going to. I’ll leave and sit in the living room. You’ll have to deal with me being a perpetual asshole.”  
“I love you,” Ian says. It’s–Mickey couldn’t believe what he heard. It’s the first time he said it back after saying it twice. Mickey pulls him and kisses him, like how he did it before he got married. It was the second time Mickey kissed Ian. He pulls away and he sees that Ian is crying. He wipes Ian’s tears with his thumb.  
“I’m not leaving, okay?” Ian nods. Mickey kisses his forehead. “The only way I would is if you defenestrate me. But you’ll see me coming back eventually.”  
Ian laughs. “Where did that come from?”  
“I spend the whole day with Fiona and then I suddenly learn a new word.”  
“You spent a whole day with Fiona?”  
“Yeah. And Lip visited me too. He’s no longer an asshole. We’re good.”  
“That’s good,” Ian says. “We’re good. I love you.”  
It feels nice to hear that. “I love you,” Mickey says back.

**Author's Note:**

> im on [tumblr](http://willberedefined.tumblr.com)


End file.
